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Losing Mom: A Journey Through Grief (Part 10)

 July 14, 2021 - 11 Months July 8, 2021 I don't like when the mail says your name.  It feels like you should still be here.  Like you are still here.  It's something that, in my min, the world should know.  Companies shouldn't send you birthday letters.  The mail shouldn't even say your name on it anymore.  The world should honor the fact that you've passed, and also honor my heart in that they've recognized that fact. Don't get me wrong, I will accept every opportunity to talk about mom.  But there are some things that are little triggers to me.  July is her birth month.  August is her death month.  They're so close together...  And now we are already in July, which means August is practically tomorrow, which means I will basically be writing another one of these before I know it for the 1 year anniversary of your death.  1 whole f***ing year.  I don't know how to emotionally handle any of it. July 11, 2021 Last night I was scrolling through my snap
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This morning, as I rolled out of bed, I intentionally hit the right hand on my Build-A-Bear.  I genuinely wanted to hear my mom's voice, for reasons that I can't even explain, but sometimes explanations offer no real solace anyway. The entire message played straight through - a silly voicemail about tiny gnats surrounding my car.  Mom found this incredibly peculiar I guess, because she thought it warranted a phone call.  Lord only knows where I was or what I was doing that day that left me not answering, ultimately sending her to voicemail.  Sometimes it is difficult for me to accept that I have any voicemails from her at all, because that just implies that I was too busy to speak to her.  My own mother!  I could laugh at loud with how ridiculous a sentence that is.  Now truly, some people are genuinely busy and unable to answer phone calls, but still.  However, I'm also glad that I have something concrete to hang onto.  If I had picked up that day, who's to say I'd
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