Griefaries: Two
December 26, 2021 Approximately 10:30 p.m. Part of me is mad at her for dying, and that thought alone makes me hate myself. It wasn’t her choice to die. It wasn’t her fault her heart was weak from a cancer she didn’t ask for and treatment she needed to survive, but that definitely just ended up slowly killing her anyway. But I’m mad because she’s not here. And she’s supposed to be here, because she’s my mother, and how is a child supposed to exist on earth without their mother? That’s not even a situation. There would be no children without mother’s, no people on earth at all to speak of. No me, laying here crying in bed missing my dead mother, who should not be dead. And I’m so mad about it. I’m angry, and I have no one to yell at. No one to blame or to hate or to direct all my sadness at. There’s nothing. My sadness just festers in my heart, which grows bigger every day, and today it feels heavy. I haven’t cried like this in quite a while. But I’m a 23 year old baby who c