An Overactive Mind: Trapped in Independency
One of the biggest obstacles I've set up in my own path is opening up. I was raised by a single mother since I was 2 years old, and while she once had a boyfriend for many years, she has grown to be, and thus taught my sister and I, how to be strong and independent women.
As a woman, sometimes that can be perceived negatively - we are stereotyped to be the caregivers and healers - though independence does not denote inclusion. In fact, I find absolutely nothing wrong in depending solely on oneself. Need I remind you all of my personal motto - you are the only company you are ever guaranteed to have in this life. Don't take that for granted. Don't put your financial stability in the hands of another, not spouse nor parent nor best friend. Don't put your happiness in the hands of another, your faith, safety, peace, etc etc etc what have you. You do not owe anybody anything.
And the only problem I have ever found with that level of independence and thinking, is that I don't know how to let people in. I repeat - independence does not denote inclusion. We still crave relationships, both platonic and intimate. We are just not as willing to get into the thick of things on a whim. Most of us will do our own background checks on everyone, especially on potential significant others. We will ask an asinine amount of questions, be completely comfortable with you, and our minds will still convince our hearts that we need to keep our distance. More likely than not, it will be perceived as a disconnection, understandably so. But more often than not, it is simply a personal fear.
For independent women (or men, but I am not one so I will not speak for you), stripping off our protective layer to expose our co-dependency almost feels like losing a piece of ourselves. And if we find the right partner, that independency will not be drowned by the co-dependency at all. In fact, both will exist mutually. But opening ourselves up to that idea can be terrifying enough to steer us away from it entirely.
There's something almost innocent or safe about a screen. Keeping your distance from someone. Not making any physical contact. That can be a sort of safety net to independent people with overactive minds. We may not even notice it has happened, but sometimes we allow our gates to open up, inviting people in. When that becomes clear, we can retreat back into ourselves, into our comfort and security of being alone, seemingly cutting people off in the process.
There's something especially depressing about it. What a sad set of circumstances one must have endured to fear happiness with others. No, not happiness itself, but accumulating enough of it that you fear it will be taken from you. That there are actual human beings afraid to open up their hearts and lives to significant others for fear of future rejection or loss. That someone is afraid to love in general on the simple basis that maybe it won't last forever.
But what a depressing way to live.. in fear of such negative unknowns... For all we know, which is nothing past the present, the future could be full of more positivity and joy than we have yet to experience in our lives thus far. Just because something hasn't happened for you yet doesn't mean it doesn't exist, it doesn't mean it never will. In fact, what will surely prevent you from experiencing the utmost happiness you deserve on this earth is yourself. I have said it before, and I will say it a million times over - you are the only company you are always guaranteed to have in this life. Create your own happiness. Find a circle of supportive and loving friends. Detox yourself from all of the negative people, places, and things you have been holding onto. Give yourself the gift of joy. You can always find it in other people, or material items, but both can be lost or broken. However, that is not a reason to completely eradicate it.
Be independent enough to stand on your own two feet, open your own heart to peace, and always give it out to everyone you come across, regardless of if they have offered any to you. But don't be too independent that you ignore all the beautiful gifts this world has to offer.
As a woman, sometimes that can be perceived negatively - we are stereotyped to be the caregivers and healers - though independence does not denote inclusion. In fact, I find absolutely nothing wrong in depending solely on oneself. Need I remind you all of my personal motto - you are the only company you are ever guaranteed to have in this life. Don't take that for granted. Don't put your financial stability in the hands of another, not spouse nor parent nor best friend. Don't put your happiness in the hands of another, your faith, safety, peace, etc etc etc what have you. You do not owe anybody anything.
And the only problem I have ever found with that level of independence and thinking, is that I don't know how to let people in. I repeat - independence does not denote inclusion. We still crave relationships, both platonic and intimate. We are just not as willing to get into the thick of things on a whim. Most of us will do our own background checks on everyone, especially on potential significant others. We will ask an asinine amount of questions, be completely comfortable with you, and our minds will still convince our hearts that we need to keep our distance. More likely than not, it will be perceived as a disconnection, understandably so. But more often than not, it is simply a personal fear.
For independent women (or men, but I am not one so I will not speak for you), stripping off our protective layer to expose our co-dependency almost feels like losing a piece of ourselves. And if we find the right partner, that independency will not be drowned by the co-dependency at all. In fact, both will exist mutually. But opening ourselves up to that idea can be terrifying enough to steer us away from it entirely.
There's something almost innocent or safe about a screen. Keeping your distance from someone. Not making any physical contact. That can be a sort of safety net to independent people with overactive minds. We may not even notice it has happened, but sometimes we allow our gates to open up, inviting people in. When that becomes clear, we can retreat back into ourselves, into our comfort and security of being alone, seemingly cutting people off in the process.
There's something especially depressing about it. What a sad set of circumstances one must have endured to fear happiness with others. No, not happiness itself, but accumulating enough of it that you fear it will be taken from you. That there are actual human beings afraid to open up their hearts and lives to significant others for fear of future rejection or loss. That someone is afraid to love in general on the simple basis that maybe it won't last forever.
But what a depressing way to live.. in fear of such negative unknowns... For all we know, which is nothing past the present, the future could be full of more positivity and joy than we have yet to experience in our lives thus far. Just because something hasn't happened for you yet doesn't mean it doesn't exist, it doesn't mean it never will. In fact, what will surely prevent you from experiencing the utmost happiness you deserve on this earth is yourself. I have said it before, and I will say it a million times over - you are the only company you are always guaranteed to have in this life. Create your own happiness. Find a circle of supportive and loving friends. Detox yourself from all of the negative people, places, and things you have been holding onto. Give yourself the gift of joy. You can always find it in other people, or material items, but both can be lost or broken. However, that is not a reason to completely eradicate it.
Be independent enough to stand on your own two feet, open your own heart to peace, and always give it out to everyone you come across, regardless of if they have offered any to you. But don't be too independent that you ignore all the beautiful gifts this world has to offer.
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